belated birthday thoughts ...

... my Tuesday night volunteer at the front desk, Stuart, asked me what I'd be doing for my birthday. "We're going over to my friend Sarah's house," I responded enthusiastically. "We're going to play Scrabble and have rice krispie treats." Stuart was not impressed. In reality, I spent the weekend before my birthday in Angola, IN at Justin's family's place on Crooked Lake with the other young adults. We canoed and kayaked and jet skied and looked up at the stars from a boat in the middle of the lake and sang a lot of songs together and it was altogether lovely. And when we did go to Sarah's house Monday night for my birthday-eve party we ended up spending half the night swing dancing which is pretty much my favorite thing to do right now. But even if all I had done for my birthday was play Scrabble and have rice krispie treats ... it's just all about the people. I love to spend time with Laura and Sarah and Beka and Justin and Peter and Jon and Kyle. We could pick up trash along the roadside together and I'd have fun.

... Birthday Question #1: the highlight of your year or the best thing that happened to you. I said running (and I really meant running and soccer). I'm still amazed to see how much I've changed over the past year. Change is exciting. Everyone laughed at me when I said running, because, well, look at my last blog post, and Laura asked me last night why I want to do something that I find so miserable ... well, it's not THAT miserable, or at least I forget the misery quickly enough after I finish, but I'm just thrilled by the fact that it's possible.

... Birthday Question #2: the biggest challenge of the last year. I said working Tuesday nights at the Front Desk. Every Tuesday I am blessed with an excellent opportunity to see how much patience I really have and whether I can maintain a compassionate and loving manner for five hours amidst chaos. Many Tuesdays I go home very discouraged because of my short temper and something less-than-loving that I said or did to a client. The front desk is really the front lines and you have to be armed with quite a bit of patience, humor, and objectivity to make it through. It's hard work and it's constant work - you're called on to serve and be loving every moment, no matter if you have five people wanting your attention or you just had to deal with someone obnoxious. Some of my friends were surprised to hear that I was short-tempered with a client last week, but I can guarantee you none of the clients were so surprised. On the bright side, though, it truly is a great opportunity to increase in love and especially in humility!

Thank you, Lord, for twenty-six great years, and for friendship, and new experiences, and challenges to make me a better person!

running hurts!

... well, it's not so much pain exactly, it's more like leaden feet and having to work really hard to breathe and sometimes getting lightheaded. At one point during Tuesday's run I really thought I might fall over. And I'm not even really running that much! I'm still on my run-walk-run-walk routine, although I did increase my total distance to three miles. Even with the increase, I thought that since I've been doing this for a little while now, it would begin to get easier. But then my dear encouraging friend Justin gave me these inspiring words: "When you're running, you hate everything." So now I understand. No, I'm not quitting, I will continue to go out on Tuesday and Saturday mornings and make myself miserable for the better part of an hour ... and wonder, as I stumble up the stairs to take a shower, why I do this to myself .... and then do it again the next time. What is this?!

(seriously - any runners who are reading - does it ever start to feel less awful?)

today it worked

Hooray! My iron was OK, my pulse was OK, my blood pressure was OK, and I am now one pint lighter. Interesting fact: over my lifetime I have gone to give blood seventeen times, but only was able to give seven times. So they reject me over half the time ... but the bright side is, I'm one visit away from giving a gallon!

jeez, take my blood already

Just got back from the South Bend Medical Foundation where once again, they would not take my blood. I haven't given in MONTHS because they keep rejecting me for one reason or another. Once it was for blood pressure, several times for iron, today my pulse was too high (probably because I went running this morning?). I've been rejected at least four times in a row now, maybe more. I'm so mad because there are thousands of people who are afraid of needles and stuff and here I am, not afraid of giving blood, committed to going every eight weeks if I can, and what happens? I can't give.

Grrrrr.

instead

things i could have done instead of watching Notre Dame get beaten into the ground: call my mom ... work on an art project ... walk around the river ... read a good book ... vacuum ... think of something more interesting to blog about ...

But I did watch every last miserable minute of it. Because that's what a good ND alum does, right? Stand by your team in good times and bad. And horrifically terrible times too. I have to say honestly though, when the team is doing badly it does make me re-think how I spend my time - whether I really ought to spend 3-4 hours every Saturday being consumed with worry over a bunch of guys throwing a ball around ...

i will follow you

For the past several weeks, a ton of cool people and I have taken advantage of a free swing dance class up at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. Boy, did we have fun. I now spend boring meetings at work going over swing moves in my head and whenever I get together with friends I try to figure out if we could make it into a dancing event. Yesterday I heard swing music at the Chocolate Cafe on my lunch break and could not help myself from grabbing my coworker Kelly, who fortunately has done some swing dancing herself. We danced quite well given the narrow space in between the tables and the chocolates.

During each of the three lessons, the instructors had us rotate partners every few minutes. So each night I danced with about fifteen different people. Which was more fun than I expected! But it also gave me a chance to observe some very different leading styles. The guys have a tough job ... as one of the instructors told us, "If the woman looks bad, it's the guy's fault. If the woman is uncomfortable, it's the guy's fault." So the poor guys really had to know what they were doing!

Some guys were terrific dancers but poor leaders. They'll swing a girl around 'til she's dizzy and they'll make it look great, but the girl has no idea what's going on or what's coming next. Other guys don't know the moves quite so well but they are courteous leaders - they will never make their partner uncomfortable. Sometimes it takes them a long moment of the step-step-rock-step basics to think of the next fancy move to do - but that's because they're trying to remember how to begin the move correctly so that they don't confuse the girl.

Some guys, of course, are the best of both worlds - good dancers and good leaders - but they are few and far between.

And for my part - the instructors also told us, "If the woman back-leads ... it's all her fault." I did have to restrain myself (and didn't always succeed in restraining myself) from leading my partner a bit when we'd missed a step or lost the beat. I also tried to keep from suggesting moves unless a partner was actually wondering out loud what to do next. It's quite an interesting job, being a follower. But a fun one :)

*please note - I do not mean for these thoughts on leading and following to be taken as my opinion on the roles of men and women in today's world ... it's just a dance class :)

stronger

Two years ago, my household took a trip to Weko beach. Jenny and I climbed the stairs up the dunes and I remember dragging my feet up the steps, reaching for more breath that just wasn't there ... not fun at all. So when I went to Weko with some friends yesterday, I was gearing up for quite a climb. I wanted to do it, because I'm in my can-do phase of life (I can play soccer and volleyball, I can swing dance, I can run ...), but I was not looking forward to huffing and puffing in front of all my friends. But we started climbing up the steps and wow, this isn't too hard yet, it must just be up near the top ... before I knew it we were at the top, gazing across the lake at Chicago, and sure I was a little winded, but -

I am stronger than I used to be.

I don't know how to put this into words for you. I didn't know that I could actually become stronger and more fit. Really! Of course I knew that exercise puts you in better shape. But I never imagined that I would actually be running twice a week and playing soccer every Sunday night - I never imagined that exercise would ever be a part of my life. That's just not who I was. And I'm not exactly Sporty Spice now either, but - I'm becoming different. I want to play soccer, and I want to run, and I'm open to new challenges.

(A friend who thought he knew me well enough said that he would only go out dancing with our group if I would run a 5K. "It's a deal," I told him. "Crap," he said.)

I've been amazed all along that after twenty-five years I have just up and changed my life in ways that are, to me, really big. How could I possibly be running? But in the midst of that amazement, I never really stopped to think that all this would actually make me healthier. So when I reached the top of the dunes at Weko, it was a revelation to me, and a gift from God:

I am stronger.